Thursday, August 13, 2009

Chapter and Verse

Mindy Tarquini keeps telling me I need to write a non-fiction book about my experiences converting an Amish-built shed into a liveable cottage (before winter!). I haven't taken too many notes, but I have started a list of chapter headings (in no particular order):

  • TRENCHES, and why you shouldn't dig them until you know for sure where they need to go.

  • Why planning is the second thing you should do.

  • TOOLS and how to lose them.

  • Why you should respect electricity and what happens when you don't.

  • The unfitness of wasps as subcontractors.

  • Why it is important to measure FIRST, cut SECOND.

  • 101 ways to hurt yourself without even trying.

  • Slip-sliding away, or What happens when you try to install a submersible pump without having a clue what you're doing. (I haven't actually gotten to that part yet, so consider this a prophecy.)

  • How many times do I have to give up before I can actually stop trying?

  • Why it is better to have a first-aid kit in advance, than wish you'd had one in retrospect.

  • The importance of clear-cut guidelines and why I wish I'd used some.

  • The folly of shopping for electrical supplies without knowing exactly what you need.

  • How to pretend it's someone else's fault when you're exchanging electrical supplies. ("I told the dog I thought I'd need a 100 amp breaker box, but he was just sure . . . .")

  • What to say when your friends laugh at you.

  • What to say when your cats laugh at you.
  • (Image from here.)

  • 1001 excuses you can use for still not having the electricity hooked up.
  • Power tools and how not to use them.

  • And, finally, a handy glossary of swear words.

So, how's the project going? Uh, kind of like the search for Bin Laden. Nothing yet, but I keep hoping. :-/


Janet Reid said...

well, I think Mindy is pretty smart, and it's a darn good idea!

Loretta Ross said...

But if it's nonfiction that means I have to tell the truth. I could wind up looking awfully stupid!

M. G. Tarquini said...

Looking stupid ain't the same as being stupid, so go for it. Be stupid all the way to the bank.

Loretta Ross said...

Looking stupid ain't the same as being stupid

I need that on a tee shirt! :D And I want one that says, "God created the world in six days. On the seventh day He rested. On the eighth, He started revisions."

M. G. Tarquini said...

I want a t-shirt that says, 'Free Mom!'