I realize Hades is very sexy, what with that whole, powerful, Dark Lord of the Underworld thing going on. And I know you're going to miss him in the coming months and I sympathize. But a deal's a deal and it's SPRING already!
So kindly get your ass home to Mama!
Aaargh!
All day yesterday there were pale, shaky people coming into Walmart telling us how bad the roads were getting. It was snowing just INSANELY! I have a twenty mile drive over *extremely* bad roads. I'm talking three bridges, two of them under construction, and more hilly curves than I can count. The heater fan has gone out on my car so I have no heat and can barely keep a clear spot on the windshield. The Walmart truck driver came in with a horror story about a multiple fatality accident he passed in the direction I had to travel and my boss wouldn't let me leave while it was still daylight. He just said, "oh, it's not bad. The roads are fine! Just go slow, you won't have any trouble!" He finally let me go an hour early but by that time the roads were completely covered, the temperature had dropped below freezing, it was still snowing heavily and a rising fog had visibility down to zero.
After an hour and a half I finally managed to cover the fifteen miles to where I turn off the highway only to completely miss my turn and go nose-down in a deep ditch. Luckily for me, a guy I went to grade school with happened along right after and was kind enough to go home for a chain and then come back and pull me out. Another twenty minutes or so later I got to my own little dirt road and started to relax. Then I drove over a small tree that had fallen in the road and been buried by the heavy, thick, wet snow. (The trees drooping down across the road from both sides nearly made it impassable as it was.) I don't think I did any damage to my car but I really can't say for sure because I no more than got off the tree and turned into my driveway than I got stuck again. This time I was really stuck and alone, but the car is on my property so I left it and walked the rest of the way. I know it doesn't sound like much, but I have a long, steep driveway, with deep ruts I couldn't see in the dark, buried under a heavy snowfall. Plus, I was already freezing, what with the car heater not working.
I'm sure my manager meant well, but I know the roads I drive, I know my own driving skills and what my car will and will not do. And if the bosses at work won't trust my judgement when I say I need to leave, then next time I wake up to a heavy snowstorm (and may it please not be until next year!) I'm damn well calling in! I'm not going to do this again!
Seriously, Persephone! GO HOME!
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Dear Sweet, Lovely, Kind Facebook Friends,
Please stop sending me virtual fish. Also virtual pigs, frogs, goats, puppies, bunnies and cherry trees. I cannot handle them.
I'm a bad virtual mommy.
Facebook is a slow site for me. On the rare occasions when I make myself visit it, I can play three to five games of Free Cell while waiting for each page to load. If I go to the imaginary aquarium? Seven games, minimum. I'm not patient enough to even *go* to Facebook very often, and when I do the guilt almost overwhelms me.
I haven't fed those poor damned fish for months now!
Years ago I had a Tamaguchi. It was a pterodactyl. It took 24 hours to hatch from its egg and then, with the absolute best care you could give it, it lived for exactly seven days. I slept with it beside my bed. For a week at a time I would wake up every two hours all night to feed and care for my pterodactyl. I snuck it into work with me. I cried when it died.
I am not the sort of person that wise people give virtual animals to. I don't even have real fish because I don't have time to take care of them. And I wouldn't even have to sit around and play computer solitaire while I waited on *real fish*! They'd be right here all the time (most likely floating belly up while I wondered why the water was cloudy and what was that smell coming from the aereator).
Seriously! I'm having nightmares about those starving virtual fish. I've thought and I've thought and I've thought about what to do. I considered looking for a virtual cat, but then I felt really bad. It's not enough that I'm starving the poor things, but now I'm planning out and out fishicide? Then I thought maybe I could make a 25-mile round trip to the library on a regular basis and use their broadband connection to feed my fish, but that seemed a little extravagan. Hire someone to care for my virtual menagerie? Only if they're willing to work for virtual money! Ask a friend to care for them? Never live THAT down. So finally I came to the conclusion that my only real option is to ask for mercy.
MERCY?!?
I'm a bad virtual mommy.
Facebook is a slow site for me. On the rare occasions when I make myself visit it, I can play three to five games of Free Cell while waiting for each page to load. If I go to the imaginary aquarium? Seven games, minimum. I'm not patient enough to even *go* to Facebook very often, and when I do the guilt almost overwhelms me.
I haven't fed those poor damned fish for months now!
Years ago I had a Tamaguchi. It was a pterodactyl. It took 24 hours to hatch from its egg and then, with the absolute best care you could give it, it lived for exactly seven days. I slept with it beside my bed. For a week at a time I would wake up every two hours all night to feed and care for my pterodactyl. I snuck it into work with me. I cried when it died.
I am not the sort of person that wise people give virtual animals to. I don't even have real fish because I don't have time to take care of them. And I wouldn't even have to sit around and play computer solitaire while I waited on *real fish*! They'd be right here all the time (most likely floating belly up while I wondered why the water was cloudy and what was that smell coming from the aereator).
Seriously! I'm having nightmares about those starving virtual fish. I've thought and I've thought and I've thought about what to do. I considered looking for a virtual cat, but then I felt really bad. It's not enough that I'm starving the poor things, but now I'm planning out and out fishicide? Then I thought maybe I could make a 25-mile round trip to the library on a regular basis and use their broadband connection to feed my fish, but that seemed a little extravagan. Hire someone to care for my virtual menagerie? Only if they're willing to work for virtual money! Ask a friend to care for them? Never live THAT down. So finally I came to the conclusion that my only real option is to ask for mercy.
MERCY?!?
Monday, February 1, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Gary Corby's a Bad Influence
So, for the past couple of days I've been having fun playing in the comments section at Gary Corby's blog. Specifically, this post in which some of us have been joining him in coming up with punny songs for ancient times. For example, I Want A Girl Just Like The Girl That Married Dear Old Dad by Oedipus.
In self defense, the poor man has suggested maybe I should post some of mine here, so brace yourselves and here they are:
Lady Echidna by The Beatles: (Slightly tweaked from the version at Gary's house)
Lady Echidna
Monsters at your feet.
Don't want to think about what they eat.
Lernaean Hydra,
coiled at your breast,
wonders who you're going to feed the rest!
Heracles arrives without a suitcase.
Beware Argos, creeping like a nun.
Send Cerberus down to guard the hot place.
See how folks run!
A few more titles:
Since I Fell For You by Icarus.
Like A Rolling Stone by Sisyphus.
Rock You Like A Hurricane by Poseidon.
Homeward Bound by Odysseus.
Don't Cry For Me, Sweet Niobe
If You Think I'm Sexy by Narcissus.
and a duet by Nelson Eddy and Echo: When I'm Calling You- ooo-ooo-ooo! Ooo-ooo-oo! Ooo-ooo-ooo!
And finally, the song I woke up with and have had stuck in my head all day. (I'm going to record an audio version. If I can figure out how I'll post it later. Consider yourselves warned!)
(To the tune of Battle Hymn of the Republic)
Ooooooooh
my! Have you read the story
of the mating of the gods?
There was Zeus and all his girlfriends.
It was really pretty odd!
Seems the big guy liked to bonk things
that were hooved and furred and clawed.
When all roads led to Rome!
Ooooooooh!
He fell in love with Io and
I swear she was a cow!
It seems that there was nothing
his mores would not allow.
Then they called him "an Olympian"
We'd call him "redneck" now!
And all roads lead to Rome!
Weeeellll,
In his pursuit of Romance,
Zeus was always very bold
He made love to Princess Danae as
a shining shower of gold
Though I always wondered how the hell
The story never told.
And all roads lead to Rome!
Soooooo,
I guess that in the old days
they were not afraid of sin.
Get caught making love to Fido?
Say, "the gods tricked me again!"
They loved wine and song and sex and
bestiality was in
When all roads led to Rome!
In self defense, the poor man has suggested maybe I should post some of mine here, so brace yourselves and here they are:
Lady Echidna by The Beatles: (Slightly tweaked from the version at Gary's house)
Lady Echidna
Monsters at your feet.
Don't want to think about what they eat.
Lernaean Hydra,
coiled at your breast,
wonders who you're going to feed the rest!
Heracles arrives without a suitcase.
Beware Argos, creeping like a nun.
Send Cerberus down to guard the hot place.
See how folks run!
A few more titles:
Since I Fell For You by Icarus.
Like A Rolling Stone by Sisyphus.
Rock You Like A Hurricane by Poseidon.
Homeward Bound by Odysseus.
Don't Cry For Me, Sweet Niobe
If You Think I'm Sexy by Narcissus.
and a duet by Nelson Eddy and Echo: When I'm Calling You- ooo-ooo-ooo! Ooo-ooo-oo! Ooo-ooo-ooo!
And finally, the song I woke up with and have had stuck in my head all day. (I'm going to record an audio version. If I can figure out how I'll post it later. Consider yourselves warned!)
(To the tune of Battle Hymn of the Republic)
Ooooooooh
my! Have you read the story
of the mating of the gods?
There was Zeus and all his girlfriends.
It was really pretty odd!
Seems the big guy liked to bonk things
that were hooved and furred and clawed.
When all roads led to Rome!
Ooooooooh!
He fell in love with Io and
I swear she was a cow!
It seems that there was nothing
his mores would not allow.
Then they called him "an Olympian"
We'd call him "redneck" now!
And all roads lead to Rome!
Weeeellll,
In his pursuit of Romance,
Zeus was always very bold
He made love to Princess Danae as
a shining shower of gold
Though I always wondered how the hell
The story never told.
And all roads lead to Rome!
Soooooo,
I guess that in the old days
they were not afraid of sin.
Get caught making love to Fido?
Say, "the gods tricked me again!"
They loved wine and song and sex and
bestiality was in
When all roads led to Rome!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
Pass, past, passe
Okay, I'm probably preaching to the choir here (or talking to the wall), but I've been wandering around the Internet for the last couple of days and I keep seeing the same words misused again and again so I thought I'd point it out.
Goofing off on the Internet is a pastime, not a passed time.
Someone who has died has passed away, not past away.
"I saw something run past me," not "I saw something run passed me."
"We hung around and passed time," not, "we hung around and past time."
Goofing off on the Internet is a pastime, not a passed time.
Someone who has died has passed away, not past away.
"I saw something run past me," not "I saw something run passed me."
"We hung around and passed time," not, "we hung around and past time."
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Is South Korea INSANE?
Why haven't they capitalized on this yet? All they have to do is announce that they've demolished the imaginary wall (maybe release some pictures of something concrete being destroyed) and then sell the pieces! Imagine being able to say that you own a genuine piece of an imaginary wall! Not only is there a fortune to be made here, but wouldn't it be fun to see what North Korea would say then?
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