Gary Corby's a Bad Influence

So, for the past couple of days I've been having fun playing in the comments section at Gary Corby's blog. Specifically, this post in which some of us have been joining him in coming up with punny songs for ancient times. For example, I Want A Girl Just Like The Girl That Married Dear Old Dad by Oedipus.

In self defense, the poor man has suggested maybe I should post some of mine here, so brace yourselves and here they are:

Lady Echidna by The Beatles: (Slightly tweaked from the version at Gary's house)

Lady Echidna
Monsters at your feet.
Don't want to think about what they eat.
Lernaean Hydra,
coiled at your breast,
wonders who you're going to feed the rest!
Heracles arrives without a suitcase.
Beware Argos, creeping like a nun.
Send Cerberus down to guard the hot place.
See how folks run!



A few more titles:
Since I Fell For You by Icarus.
Like A Rolling Stone by Sisyphus.
Rock You Like A Hurricane by Poseidon.
Homeward Bound by Odysseus.
Don't Cry For Me, Sweet Niobe
If You Think I'm Sexy by Narcissus.
and a duet by Nelson Eddy and Echo: When I'm Calling You- ooo-ooo-ooo! Ooo-ooo-oo! Ooo-ooo-ooo!

And finally, the song I woke up with and have had stuck in my head all day. (I'm going to record an audio version. If I can figure out how I'll post it later. Consider yourselves warned!)

(To the tune of Battle Hymn of the Republic)

Ooooooooh
my! Have you read the story
of the mating of the gods?
There was Zeus and all his girlfriends.
It was really pretty odd!
Seems the big guy liked to bonk things
that were hooved and furred and clawed.
When all roads led to Rome!

Ooooooooh!
He fell in love with Io and
I swear she was a cow!
It seems that there was nothing
his mores would not allow.
Then they called him "an Olympian"
We'd call him "redneck" now!
And all roads lead to Rome!

Weeeellll,
In his pursuit of Romance,
Zeus was always very bold
He made love to Princess Danae as
a shining shower of gold
Though I always wondered how the hell
The story never told.
And all roads lead to Rome!

Soooooo,
I guess that in the old days
they were not afraid of sin.
Get caught making love to Fido?
Say, "the gods tricked me again!"
They loved wine and song and sex and
bestiality was in
When all roads led to Rome!

When we diminish one group of people

it diminishes us all! Bloomsbury YA has "whitewashed" a book cover. Again. Story here.

Pass, past, passe

Okay, I'm probably preaching to the choir here (or talking to the wall), but I've been wandering around the Internet for the last couple of days and I keep seeing the same words misused again and again so I thought I'd point it out.

Goofing off on the Internet is a pastime, not a passed time.

Someone who has died has passed away, not past away.

"I saw something run past me," not "I saw something run passed me."

"We hung around and passed time," not, "we hung around and past time."

Is South Korea INSANE?

Why haven't they capitalized on this yet? All they have to do is announce that they've demolished the imaginary wall (maybe release some pictures of something concrete being destroyed) and then sell the pieces! Imagine being able to say that you own a genuine piece of an imaginary wall! Not only is there a fortune to be made here, but wouldn't it be fun to see what North Korea would say then?

I think I've got a New Year's resolution after all

Interesting article at the New York Times today. I can especially relate to this part:

. . . when people were asked to anticipate how much extra money and time they would have in the future, they realistically assumed that money would be tight, but they expected free time to magically materialize.

Hence you’re more likely to agree to a commitment next year, like giving a speech, that you would turn down if asked to find time for it in the next month. This produces what researchers call the “Yes ... Damn!” effect: when the speech comes due next year, you bitterly discover you’re still as busy as ever.

Star Trek Redux

Having gotten the fangirl out of my system (at least for the moment), I wanted to go back and comment on the new Star Trek movie again in writer mode. Normally, when they make a movie from an old TV show, old enough that they're not using the original actors, it (to put it not too delicately) stinks up the theaters and quickly fades into the oblivion of the $5 DVD rack at Walmart. This, in my opinion, is why:

You get Hollywood making a movie about an old TV show, they tend to think it's all about the machinery or the special effects or the concept. So they go, "Oh, Dukes of Hazzard, it's all about the car!" or "Oh, Starsky and Hutch, it's all about the car AND, boy can we have fun ridiculing the clothes and hairdos!" or, "Oh, I Spy, it's all about the gadgets!" Then they cast Owen Wilson and a guy with a darker complexion (don't get me wrong, I *like* Owen Wilson), give them some wacky dialogue and big WOW special effects and go, "Voila!"

Then they wonder why the movie sucked.

What could have gone wrong? You've got the car! You've got stuff blowing up! You've got Owen Wilson and Eddie Murphy/Ben Stiller! What happened?

What happened is simple. It's NOT about the car! Every story -- EVERY story! -- is about the characters. Even the most iconic *things* in television history -- The General Lee, Maxwell Smart's shoe phone, even the starship Enterprise -- are only accessories for the characters. That's why the Star Trek franchise was able to blow up the original Enterprise and go on to make eight more movies (and counting).

The reason they make classic TV shows into movies in the first place is to capitalize on all the fans who still fondly remember the original show. Then, the first thing they do, is alienate them by blowing off the most important PART of that show. It's like you've been invited home for a visit and when you get there, everything's brighter and shinier than you remember, which is probably cool, but then you realize you don't know anybody. And, seriously! If they're not going to bother with the original characters, why not just go wild and shoot an entirely *original* movie? It's really not necessary to rape a classic TV show, even on the rare occasions when the bastard version is profitable (see Mission: Impossible).

That's where the new Star Trek movie got it right. They got the CHARACTERS right. If you grew up watching these people "boldly go", you can put in this movie and you will RECOGNIZE them. That's why fans are so enthused about it, and that's why it's made something like three times its operating budget.

As a writer, I think this is a strong validation of something we've all heard time and time again. In order to hold the hearts and minds of the reader, every story --EVERY STORY -- has to be character driven. Nifty concepts and shiny exposition is never enough. It takes more than Owen Wilson, charming though he is.

Star Trek

Okay, so I finally got around to watching the new Star Trek movie and I just have one little comment to make:

THAT WAS SO TOTALLY FRICKIN' AWESOME! I LOVED IT! I LOVED THE ENDING WHEN EVERYTHING CAME TOGETHER AND EVERYONE WAS ON THE ENTERPRISE AND WHERE THEY BELONG AND IT'S LIKE THE BEGINNING OF EVERYTHING! I LOVED THAT THEY GOT ALL THE CHARACTERS RIGHT! SCOTTY WAS SOOO SCOTTY AND BONES WAS PERFECTLY BONES AND SULU AND CHEKOV WERE JUST PERFECT AND I LOVED CHEKOV'S AND SCOTTY'S ACCENTS AND BONES SAYING, "I'M A DOCTOR, NOT A . . . ." AND SCOTTY SAYING, "I'M GIVIN' 'ER ALL SHE'S GOT, CAPTAIN!" AND EVERYTHING WAS JUST AWESOME AND I DIDN'T EVEN MIND IT ALL BEING AU SINCE THEY EXPLAINED HOW/WHY IT WAS AU AND (it was a little bit weird about the thing with Spock and Uhura but . . . ) IT WAS AWESOME AND I LOVED IT!!!

I'm ready for the sequel now.

(We now return you to your regularly scheduled blogging. /fangirl)